A KRANCH POWER: GET SKINNY AF IN 7 WEEKS

Sorry, that should be “Heckin Fantasy Week 7 Power Rankings.” For this week's rankings, I decided to employ an anagram theme. Teams are listed in the slideshow (linked below) with a pictorial representation of an anagram of your team name - try to figure out which one's yours, then scroll down for the rankings.

Anagram Representations

See this slideshow for the anagram pictorials - answers are on the last slide.

Rankings

We're at that point in the season where we can start to talk about the likelihood of certain teams making the playoffs. While there are several storylines to follow after how Week 7 shook out, including Nate easily remaining undefeated and Paxton continuing to put up huge point totals and still lose, undoubtedly the most interesting feature of the standings this week is the five-way tie for fourth place. Paxton, Luft, Ethan, Bryce, and Erik are all tied with a 3-4 record, meaning that if the season were to end after this week, 8 teams would have at least a mathematical shot at reaching the playoffs. This week's schedule actually provides a chance that we could still have a five-way tie at 3-5 after next week, although in that case the tie would no longer be for 4th place but for 5th. Regardless, this is a delicate situation that managers around the league should pay attention to. Now on to the rankings!

Format: Rank. Name (Record, PF/PA)

1. Nate (7-0, 856/648): With a fire nickname for his starting quarterback and a roster that could compete in a 4-team league, Nate's the clear frontrunner at this point in the season. With a (Points For - Points Against) of greater than 200, it's no wonder he's undefeated. Having made shrewd trades, including one for league-wide WR1 Tyreek Hill which looks even more ridiculous now that he's managed to reacquire Jahmyr Gibbs, one of the main pieces he traded away for Hill in the first place, Nate owns the top two receivers in the league. He also has a less-flashy but similarly reliable corps of RBs, including emergent workhorse Jerome Ford, who ruined my cunning plan to pick up Kareem Hunt before anyone knew he was headed back to Cleveland in Week 3. Nate's depth isn't top-tier, but it's solid, and with Justin Jefferson likely returning in time for the playoffs, it would seem that Nate is taking a cue from Chris Olave and recklessly speeding towards the #1 seed and perhaps the championship.

2. Alex (6-1, 775/734): Speaking of reckless driving: Going by record alone, Alex has the best shot at performing the fantasy equivalent of a PIT maneuver to arrest Nate's rapid progress towards the finish line. Hopefully it's more like the feel-good ending of Petty-Pearson at the 1976 Daytona 500 and less like the Arkansas State Police's insane 109-mph version in 2021. Alex's roster is particularly strong at WR, having three of the current top 10 receivers (Nacua, Allen, and St. Brown), but there are weaknesses here, particularly at RB where Javonte Williams (who is unfortunately a starter on this team) finally surpassed his Sleeper projection for the first time all season, and more recently at QB, where Justin Herbert has been in a small slump due to his thumb injury. Still, at two games clear of 3rd place, Alex is set up for a solid rest of the season.

3. Paxton (3-4, 802/848): Despite Paxton's insistence on naming at least one of his players “She __ on my __ till I __” at all times, I would argue he's still a candidate for best nicknames going off the strength of “Breece's Puffs” and “Metro Bustin,” as well as his great team name, which doesn't quite resonate the way it used to now that neither of the key players is on his roster but is good enough that I'll give it a pass. (Choosing good nicknames is an art, but don't sweat the technique too much.) Getting down to more immediate concerns, though, this is a roster with few holes. Paxton's 2nd-round gamble on Jonathan Taylor, while perhaps a bit premature in hindsight, appears to finally have started to pay off, and Ja'Marr Chase and D'Andre Swift have similarly put together incredible seasons despite slow starts. Despite all this, Paxton appears to be cursed in the Points Against department by the law of small numbers (a new statistics principle coined by me which says that when the law of large numbers doesn't apply, someone is getting screwed). Still, I have to believe that he'll turn it around in the back half of the season, as his Points For well exceeds that of anyone else except Nate. If I had to put money on one 3-4 team making the playoffs today, it would certainly be this one.

4. Tim (4-3, 770/686): Tim's made a nice comeback from 0-2 to become one of three teams with a winning record. Still, he has one problem, and it's the same one that Maya said Julian Casablancas had back in 2001 - he's lacking in depth. While Travis Etienne has been great value as a third-round pick who developed into one of the top 3 RBs in fantasy, Roschon Johnson, Tyjae Spears, and Royce Freeman don't exactly inspire confidence on the bench (or starting, as Johnson appears set to do this week). There's a lot to love about this roster, though, in particular Travis Kelce who has been absolutely phenomenal as the #1 TE in fantasy and Taylor Swift's heart, as well as my old 13th-round draft pick Adam Thielen who I foolishly dropped after a poor Week 1 and has gone on to become a top-10 receiver. If JSN continues to heat up and James Conner returns down the stretch, Tim will make the playoffs. Word of advice though Tim, just keep rolling with Kirk Cousins, Joe Burrow is clearly washed.

5. Bryce (3-4, 729/754): Bryce, like Tim, has engineered an impressive turnaround from an inauspicious start - he opened the season 0-3, putting up fewer than 90 points in his first two games, and now sits at 3-4 coming off an impressive win over Paxton. Lamar Jackson has been money for most of the season, and Christian McCaffrey has been unreal as the #1 RB in fantasy. Bryce's WR corps has also improved in recent weeks now that Cooper Kupp has returned from injury and Justin Jefferson's injury has brought more volume to Jordan Addison. All of these points were presciently anticipated by Paxton in his Week 5 rankings, where he noted, “It's not hard to make a case for rapid improvement here from Bryce's guys after their 0-3 start.” That said, though, Bryce will need to hope for continued solid play from Taysom Hill at TE following Zach Ertz's move to IR, and his bench is filled with 2, arguably 3 guys who don't deserve to be on a roster at all: RB56 Jordan Mason, RB75 Jamaal Williams, and RB88 Elijah Mitchell. Bryce's starting roster is enough to win games from here, but he'll have to hope they stay healthy or else make some shrewd moves before the trade deadline.

6. Luft (3-4, 771/731): After rolling with the team name “G Sus” for much of last season, fans of Luft's team might just be saying “Jesus” when they're able to catch their breath from this team's roller coaster. The newly rechristened “J.Crew” alternated wins and losses for the first six weeks of the season before making it two losses in a row this past week against the juggernaut that is Nate. There are bright spots on this team, though - notably Josh Allen, who has been the best QB in fantasy, and (putting aside the questionable ethics of having any Philadelphia player on your roster at all - I would never) the electric A.J. Brown. T.J. Hockenson has turned out to be great too and not at all the reach I feared he might be when he was drafted in round 4. Running back is the primary area of concern, since Luft's only RB ranked in the top 30 this season is Zack Moss, who is surely heading for a reduction in volume now that Jonathan Taylor is back. Still, Luft's stars will likely carry him to more wins the rest of the season than a few of the other 3-4 teams on this list, and he certainly has a shot at the playoffs.

7. Ethan (3-4, 752/709): Ethan is the proud (I assume) owner of the highest potential fantasy football score by any team this season - 188.68 points in Week 5 if he had started George Pickens over DeVonta Smith. He still put up an incredible 164.78 in that game (against Paxton, naturally). In most other weeks he's put up somewhere between 95 and 110 points - pretty consistent, but not enough to beat strong competition. This could end up limiting him in what is currently a shootout between the five 3-4 teams down the stretch. On the other hand Younghoe Koo could be a team by himself, and when you layer Bijan and Alvin Kamara on top of him, Eth might be completely unstoppable.

8. Erik (3-4, 686/826): Erik has managed to get some nice production out of names I wouldn't normally associate with the kind of points they're putting up. Christian Kirk has had a really nice string of 11- to 16-point games going back to Week 2. Jakobi Meyers and Isiah Pacheco have also been surprisingly good. Erik took a chance on Anthony Richardson, which paid off big time until he got injured, but since then Perry has presumably canceled all meetings and taken the rest of the month off work because Jordan Love has turned out to actually be a solid replacement as the #12 QB on the season. Side note: Sleeper claims that Sam LaPorta, the #3 TE, is only 22 years old, but looking at his picture he's clearly at least 40 and probably a 15-year veteran who no one noticed until now. All of this burnishes Erik's nascent reputation as a strong evaluator of talent - one wonders if perhaps he cut his teeth scouting with Connor Stalions. Erik shares with Paxton the dubious honor of having an exceptionally high Points Against, which one would think would regress later in the season and allow him to win some more games off the backs of his underappreciated studs. Unfortunately, his Points For is pretty low too, so he's likely going to need increased production out of guys like Ekeler to beat out the fierce competition for one of the four playoff spots.

9. Stone (2-5, 712/762): A catastrophic day from the Lions plus the understandable decision not to start D'Onta Foreman cost Stone any chance at contention last week. He actually hasn't surpassed 105 points since Week 3 despite a roster that looks really solid on paper. Saquon has been great when healthy, and Raheem Mostert has exceeded all expectations as the #2 RB in fantasy (although he's currently dealing with an injury). I wonder if he might be able to trade into a better situation by using his fantastic RB depth to improve his WR situation, but the time is now to make a move, because assuming if Nate, Alex, and Tim don't drop off in a big way, it's a tough road through the five 3-4 teams to the playoffs.

10. Perry (1-6, 600/754): Playoffs? Playoffs? Don't talk to Perry about playoffs; he just hopes he can win another game. Putting aside the fact that his team name keeps making me think of that one Megan Thee Stallion line in “WAP,” Perry has managed to score under 70 points three weeks in a row. But unlike when Bryce finally loses it and becomes the Broncos, I think there is hope for Perry's team. Capturing a playoff spot is unlikely given his record, but capturing a few more wins is very doable once David Montgomery and DK come back. Nico Collins has been an awesome waiver-wire pickup, and if Perry finally lets go of his hopes for Christian Watson he could replace him with a player who actually contributes. If he doesn't want to do that, though, he could always punt on this season and ensure a great next start to next year by trading the Cowboys defense for two first-round picks to some playoff-hungry 3-4 team (i.e., Ethan).



Parting shot: What the rest of the league's record would be if they played your opponent each week (how hard is your schedule?) (updated after Week 7)

• Nate: 42-14
• Tim: 32-24
• Ethan: 32-24
• Perry: 31-25
• Alex: 31-25
• Luft: 26-30
• Stone: 26-30
• Erik: 24-31-1
• Bryce: 21-34-1
• Paxton: 14-42